I am often accused of ‘shifting into my negotiating mode’ as though it is different than my normal mode of interacting. This impression I do find to be interesting. What some presume to be my negotiating mode is simply a disciplined approach to assessing, analyzing, strategizing and pursuing a solution to a problem.

Because they know what I do, they assume it is a ploy rather than simple interaction. It’s not. It is simply an application of a process that is designed to work; not take advantage of a situation.

In our everyday lives we negotiate constantly. Why; because we want something from another person or animal.

Yes, we do negotiate with animals. We train our pets to do what we want and reward them for obedience. And we punish them for disobedience. That is basic power negotiation. We have the power and our pets are forced into a behavioral pattern to receive a treat or avoid pain.

Women flirt with their husbands, boyfriends, potential boyfriends, complete strangers and even their best friend’s husband suggesting an illicit rendezvous in exchange for something they want; sometimes only attention. Men react because they are programmed to want the favors of a woman. They may have no intent to consummate the deed but can’t resist the challenge. Sometimes the game goes too far and the collateral damage is far greater than ever intended. The original flirty look that started the process is an example of a very human and natural negotiation. One person’s leveraging an asset to gain something.

The key in any negotiation is mutual incentive. For a negotiation to create value above the intrinsic worth of the basic assets involved the parties must have a desire, especially a driving desire, to have the assets being offered.

Posted by Bill on June 21, 2009

If people can't communicate they cannot possibly get along together much less negotiate. Fear puts people on the defensive and is a major obstacle to clear, open communications.

Unless you have absolute power, seek to diffuse any fears that may exist on both sides through open and direct communication. This will promote the involvement of all concerned and facilitate resolution.

If you are trying to convince the other person, do not shut them down by yelling, shouting or otherwise attacking them. That is not the way to win your point.

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Posted by Bill on March 29, 2009

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