« February 2006 | Main | May 2006 »
March 05, 2006
Arguing
Arguing is a destructive by-product of human interaction. Between nations, it can lead to war and mayhem. Between couples it can lead to pain and divorce. Negotiating is very different than arguing.
Arguing or fighting typically ends with the proponents trying to obliterate each other by out-shouting or simply shooting the other to end the argument. This amounts to screaming over the other's words to the point that nothing is heard by anyone. Seeking to overpower the other person may result in the other person simply walking away from the situation. If so, nothing is solved. No one wins.
When involved in a marital or family argument, understand that every person has differing personality traits that impact how they deal with anger. One important difference is the time it takes to get over a fight. Many of us get mad quickly but get over it just as quickly. Others are slow to ignite but simmer for days!
A couple needs to learn the "anger" pattern of the other. This difference will explain reactions and enable the couple to better understand each other. Respect is a key part of any relationship. Granting enough time or space for the other party to cool off is part of respecting their needs. Demanding the argument end on your timing is to selfishly want things your way and is not the way to end an argument. It often will result in a far greater argument than the original issue.
When conflicts between a parent and child or a husband and wife repeatedly escalate beyond control, destructive words and acts often become the norm. This mutual abuse slowly destroys the underlying relationship. Even though the more powerful parent may prevail, the underlying war will ultimately be lost as the core feelings that bind the family relationship may eventually be killed off. As a parent you need to try to control the situation and keep the discussions focused on the matter at hand rather than allow personal attacks to overshadow the core issue.
In business it is not acceptable to kill one's opponent!
Business conflict is typically resolved through negotiation. Whether the negotiation is over an employee's conduct, a supervisor's actions, a building lease or pay raise, the process is the same.
It stands to reason that the most effective negotiators are those with absolute power and the willingness to use it! Few people have absolute power. The rest of us must work to develop tools and techniques to improve their negotiating results.
Managers who demand compliance leave employees with two choices. They can knuckle under, accept the situation, and stay to make the money necessary to feed their family. Or they can fight back. Rather than quitting and jeopardizing their family's subsistence, they simply start seeking another job. By learning of other options the employee has grasped the power to decide whether to stay or leave. If the decision is to leave, the manager will have to become reasonable or accept the loss of an employee and the cost of finding and training a replacement.
In taking the initiative to seek another job, the employee is establishing his or her value on the open market. Knowing that worth empowers the employee with choices and forces the company to either acknowledge that value or lose it.
While arguing is not an effective negotiating tool, prolonged discussions designed to wear the other party down on issues can be an effective negotiating tactic. Learn to control your temper and extend discussions to gather information or wear down the other party. Losing your temper will have the opposite effect.
Posted by Bill at 09:40 AM | Comments (2)
Assumptions Lead to Negotiating Pitfalls
Seldom does a lion make a faulty assumption about its prey. They take the time to carefully stalk their prey until they know the time is right to strike. Man, on the other hand, eagerly rushes in only to find he forgot to pack his big-game gun!
Assumptions are at the same time necessary and dangerous. It is not likely you will have all of the information you need to make a decision. So you must fill in the blanks, so to speak. How you do this will determine if you are successful or not in whatever you do.
The best defense against a poor assumption is good preparation. Thorough knowledge of your topic, your goal, your strategies and objectives, your company, yourself, your opponent, his company, and the issues relating to the task at hand is the best way to insure your assumptions are reliable.
Few have the luxury of such preparation in their daily routine. So prepare as much as possible before the meeting and then add to your knowledge by measuring the reactions to your questions and comments. During a casual question and answer session you can refine what you know or think with reasonable accuracy if you listen effectively and watch the person's body language.
The problem with bad assumptions is that they can lead to bad conclusions. During your preparation separate what you know and what you assume to be the case. Then focus your conversation on validating your assumptions. In addition to using the preliminary casual discussion period to build a good working relationship or to create a healthy environment within which to negotiate, do not miss the opportunity to uncover false assumptions.
Posted by Bill at 07:47 AM | Comments (0)