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April 18, 2007
Rules and Negotiations
A Great White has no known predator. He is unique in that he can and does make his own rules. They are simple as they are based solely on the concept that might does make right in their world. Machiavelli would have liked the great white shark.
Every situation has rules. Whether it is playing baseball on the corner lot or submitting an appeal to the Supreme Court. Knowing the applicable rules enables us to compete more effectively.
In school, legal situations, dealing with any governmental agent and other structured settings, rules must be followed to stay in the game and make progress. As an example, failure to adhere to specifics of state contract law can invalidate contracts.
Depending on your goal and the importance of the negotiation, it may be wise to hire professionals to assist in the documentation to insure what you sign is what was agreed to in the first place. A note of caution: Use these professionals as tools to help you. Do not rely on them to solve your problem.
Rules are essential to order but they are not sacrosanct. If you find the rules to be too restrictive it is your right to challenge them.
Far too often I have heard negotiators say they didn't ask for a concession because it was simply not “done” or the "rule" could not be challenged. All to frequently these are rules established by the other person (landlord or developer as an example). Other than having something you want, these individuals hold no power over you; they have no authority to which you must succumb. Also once firm rules may change over time.
Don't assume that rules of others necessarily apply to you or are still in effect. Rules are subject to time and circumstances. They are not always in effect. Good negotiators challenge rules to avoid missing an opportunity.
Posted by Bill at 3:51 PM | Comments (0)
April 14, 2007
Conquering Conflict
From birth we face a steady stream of challenges, struggles, and opportunities until the ultimate negotiation, death. Conflict exists as we struggle to satisfy our respective wants and needs in social circles, at school, at work, with our mates and companions, between parents and children, with medical and legal professionals, government officials or employees and retail clerks or service providers. The need to negotiate, AKA conquer conflict, permeates our very existence. Surviving a life of conflict is not enough. We need to conquer conflict so the act of living is not an arduous process.
Conflict need not be a negative aspect of our lives. It should not be feared or avoided. It is simply an aspect of life. Conflict in our daily lives can be handled with a common sense application of negotiating disciplines and techniques.
Many consider a negotiator a manipulator or someone intent on taking advantage of another person. The consensus seems to be that negotiating is a last resort through which one seeks to resolve a bad situation. That or it is the activity of predators.
I disagree. Conflict and negotiations are not only remedies for bad situations. They are not even aspects of our lives that can be avoided by choice. In fact, they cannot be avoided at all.
Handling conflict is part of the process of living; surviving in an interactive, social environment. We enjoy a world of opportunity and challenges. Negotiating is the steering wheel in our lives. How we steer determines if we land in the ditch or make it to our destination.
What we achieve during our lives is the result of our choices, our willingness to negotiate rather than avoid conflict and our attitude. With the right attitude, an expectation to succeed, and the willingness to try, fail and try again, there is little we can't achieve. Most important is to not lose ourselves in our goals but to enjoy and learn from the process of achieving them.
Posted by Bill at 11:40 AM | Comments (0)
April 7, 2007
The Power of Persuasion
If you want to win a negotiation you must expect to win. Attitude counts! Like any sport or other competitive venue, attitude has a direct bearing on the outcome of a negotiation.
Each negotiation, no matter how insignificant, by definition is based in conflict. The people involved are each competing to protect their respective rights by depriving another of his or her expectations. It is a negotiation over conflicting interests.
The secret of winning lies in the passion one brings to the event. If you are convinced that you are right, if you think you deserve to win, if you know that you are in the right, then your passion will color each argument, strengthen each statement, and lead you to victory. If you have doubts, you will be less than effective. Get rid of your doubts before getting involved.
Positive Attitude Tips:
Plan to win. When you are considering strategies and tactics before a meeting envision using each tactic and prevailing with it. This mental exercise sets in your mind the feeling or the gestalt of deploying the strategy or tactic successfully. When the time comes to actually use it, your actions will be more natural and more effective.
Expect to win. When setting your objectives and goal, test them against what you know to be reality. If they are reasonable expectations, visualize achieving the objective. Do this repeatedly to set the image in your mind that the objective and goal is achieved. Don’t focus on the process of achieving it during this mental exercise but on actually achieving it. This is a form of programming yourself to not only want the objective but feel entitled to it. You are aligning your inner being to expecting to walk in and win. You are empowering yourself to prevail.
Act like a winner. When you enter a room, stand tall, make direct eye contact, offer a firm handshake, and be confident in why you are there. Take the time to get comfortable at the table, lay out material you may need, then settle back, ready to begin. Your statements should be brief, pithy and authoritative. Concise, targeted proposals convey clarity of purpose and conviction on your part. As you deliver them, assume they will be accepted. The power of a positive delivery is immeasurable. If the other person has doubts about their position, it may show in their reaction. Be alert for signs of their doubt. If they question you proposal, ask them why. Never accept on face value an objection. If you are confident of your position, the other person should be placed on the defensive unless they can prove you wrong.
The power of persuasion is based in your personal conviction of being right and entitled to prevail.
Posted by Bill at 9:40 AM | Comments (0)
Conflict is the Basis of Negotiation
We each live in personal jungles filled with unique threats and opportunities. Each day we awaken to conflict. No longer the prey of four-footed predators we still have our fellow man to fear.
Each morning a parent’s day starts with the need to resolve a series of conflicts. They deal with routine issues like:
Who gets to use the bathroom first?
Who takes the kids to school?
Who picks them up from dance class?
Can Sally go out on Friday and how late can she stay?
Will Jim get to use the car or is he still grounded?
Are you really letting your daughter wear that to school?
Each issue is a form of conflict requiring discussion and resolution. How we handle such negotiations determines the attitude of those involved. If parents are arbitrary, the discussions are likely to escalate and disrupt the morning’s tranquility impacting everyone’s day. Taking the time to consider the feelings and perspective of those our decisions impact can vastly improve how the kids do in schools later.
When such negotiations involve our children remember that you are training future negotiators. Our actions are their primary frame of reference for future social interaction.
How we interact with our children when young determines how they will handle conflict as adults.
Posted by Bill at 8:48 AM | Comments (0)
The Benefits of Losing
So we all lose from time to time, right? Don’t let your losses be a waste of time and effort. When a football team suffers a loss what do they do? They review what went wrong, what the other team did, and try to improve their performance in anticipation of the next game. Every negotiation, even those that are lost, can be of value if they serve to help you learn how to interact better with those around us.
When you lose a negotiation try to salvage something from the experience:
Make a friend. Even losers have the chance to build a relationship with the other person. This may help to mitigate future conflict with a friend or it may develop a valuable contact in the work environment. The people we interact with can either remain estranged or become friends and associates. Whenever possible, convert an adversary into a friend.
Learn from your experiences, even the losses. When you lose a good fight respect that the other person was better in some ways. Review what went wrong. Consider what might have been done to change the outcome. We do this routinely in sports. Why not apply the discipline to our human interactions?
Survival in any situation is making the most of the cards you are dealt. Win, lose, or draw there’s always something to be learned from any negotiation. It just makes sense to take the time to reflect on what happened and what could have changed the outcome.
Posted by Bill at 8:32 AM | Comments (0)