« June 2009 | Main | September 2009 »
August 16, 2009
Silence - a Power Tactic in Negotiations
A key aspect of negotiations is that both parties need a little power for there to be a negotiation. It is a good idea to find the source of the other person’s power and test it to see if it really is as solid as they would like you to believe.
Silence is a tactic used to measure the other person’s confidence in their position; a means to testing their power base. People have an innate need to keep conversations going. Silence makes most people uncomfortable.
Silence begs a response. When the other person makes a proposal or offer they expect you to respond; to counter or accept. The reaction to your silence is telling. Watch both the body language and verbal response to sense where they are in the negotiation.
If they appear concerned they may be telegraphing that they are worried that they may have been too aggressive in their proposal giving you room to counter; perhaps more aggressively than you would have.
If they are more concerned about the time or other distraction then they may be indicating that they have made their final and best offer and are ready to close the negotiations and move on to other pressing matters, like a drink at the bar or getting to Billy’s baseball game.
If they sit smugly looking disinterested in you, your response or much of anything else beware. They are seemingly disconnected from the discussion and may be only going through the motions. The proper response to this type of reaction is to try to solicit what has their attention so you can decide if further discussions will be worth your time or if you need to postpone the meeting.
Disinterest is a telling power signal. It infers that the matter at hand is really not worth the time it is taking. That is an ultimate power statement.
Disinterest is often feigned in business and social settings. So it has to be tested.
The sixteen year old girl flirting with the visiting college man may walk away several times before accepting a date just to set her hooks. This is feigned disinterest. The same tactics are used in the business setting and has the same impact. Test disinterest before raising the ante.
Posted by Bill at 8:32 AM
August 8, 2009
Applying Poker Tactics in a Negotiation
Interacting with other people is always like a poker game. Invariably someone has what someone else wants. Sex, money, food, shelter, and land have been the staples of disputes since the first two people happened across each other. The only difference today is that we try to be civil in our relations.
Society tries to mandate how this disparity of interest is resolved through contract laws, social customs and other contrived bridles to our human proclivity to take what we want. Learning to curb our enthusiasm for simply taking what we want is part of growing up. Those who achieve a reasonable state of adulthood are able to work within the confines of the society of which they are a part. The others struggle as criminals, sociopaths and, in general, those who put their needs ahead of those around them. They typically resort to lying, cheating and letting down those closest to him or her.
In the final analysis, it is the best poker player who will consistently fare better in the realm of human interaction – negotiations.
So learn the rules of the game.
• Knowing When and What to Bet
Knowing when to bet requires an understanding fo the game, an awareness of the value of the hand you are holding and the likely better hands around the table, and what betting will tell the other players.
Knowing what to bet is a developed art form as you learn from experience how the other players will react to low, high and moderate bets. Betting is a form of communication. Each bet signals something. What needs to be learned is what the player making the bet is trying to do; bluff, force you out, or lure you in. The other players should also be studying your betting patterns to better understand your patterns.
• Knowing When to Hold ‘Em.
In an ideal world, one would only hold winning hands. The key is in understanding what a winning hand is. That takes knowledge of the game, the odds, and the other players. Luck starts and stops with the cards you are dealt. The rest of the game is a developed skill.
• Knowing When to Fold ‘Em.
In poker statistically 80% of the hands one is dealt should be folded. Few players have the discipline to not try to improve what they are dealt by staying ‘just one more round’. In fact, if players played by the numbers, the games would be relatively boring. It is the chance draw that lures people to gamble on drawing to an inside straight.
• Know When it is Not Your Night.
There are times when you should not be in the game. This can be because you are distracted, because your luck is running cold, or when you are consistently getting the second best hand. If you should not be at the table for any reason get up and leave before you leave your stake on the table. It is important to always have enough to buy into the next game.
Posted by Bill at 10:21 AM
August 1, 2009
The Art of Persuasion
"Yes" is what we all want to hear. There are some basic situations that motivate utterance of that word:
Seeking reciprocation from a past deed - People naturally feel an obligation to return favors. Do not miss opportunities to help others, to do something for them in any venue. Later, you will have a little more leverage. Besides, it is nice to be nice. People really do appreciate it.
Establishing your authority in one or more areas by being active in trade or professional associations, publishing articles or books, promoting yourself through public service or excelling in your work all lay the ground work to be able to entice others to agree with your proposal when the time comes to make your case. The human nature is to defer to experts rather than trust ourselves. Leadership capitalizes on this propensity.
Scarcity of any service or product increases its value. By establishing the uniqueness of what you have to offer you are creating value at the negotiating able. The less available a resource is the more people will seek it.
Personality matters in persuading others to say "yes". People are more likely to want to say " yes" to a proposal offered by someone they like. The second motivator is fear. In that case they are seeking to avoid wrath rather than please someone.
Societal conformance provides the shelter some need to agree. By remaining part of the herd they are taking less risk. Pointing out that others have agreed to your proposed terms indirectly gives the other person a sense of safety in that they are not granting a non-conforming concession.
While there are many other persuasion techniques these basic tenants seem to be the core psychological drivers of persuasion without the use of power, fear or threats. They represent the basic tools most of us have available in our daily lives.
Everyone uses persuasion throughout their lives. There is no way around it. Whether dealing with a child, pet, boss, ally, school mate, date, teacher, banker or car salesman, we are trying to hear that special word, "Yes!".
If you are unable to convince others to your way of thinking, you will be constantly doing their bidding. You will quite likely resent being told what to do. Realize that it is your fault, not theirs, that you were not more persuasive.
Posted by Bill at 8:37 AM